Interim Maintenance II - Day 11

Monday we took JP in for more treatment. This phase has increasing doses of Methotrexate as long as JP can handle it. His ANC was 1600 on Monday (say whaaaaat??), I really can't think of the last time he was that high without steroids... Basically if his ANC is above 750 they will increase the dosage, if it's between 500 and 750 they will still administer the Methotrexate but only at the same dose he received last time and if it's below 500 they will hold chemo for 4 days and check again.

We got to the hospital at 10:30 Megan Standard Time (aka 10:50) so we were a little late. Oops. I always try to be on time but I just can't seem to do it! They still let JP have treatment despite his mother's tardiness, thank goodness. He was very happy to be there and even went with the Child Life Specialist to pick out toys. He's never done that - he's always just requested toys and let her bring them to him. He was showing off for his doctors and nurses and everyone was laughing. He told everyone how he watched his Utes and Giants win over the weekend and how we made Utes cupcakes (red velvet). I love that he has no idea how serious this cancer business can be, I wish we all had that luxury to be wrapped up in the innocence of childhood.

JP received the Vincristine chemo and the increased Methotrexate and they asked if we wanted him to have his flu shot. Yep, we sure did, but I got nervous about the actual shot... See when we go in, they access his port - which is kind of like an IV but in his chest - but we put this numbing cream on his skin so he doesn't feel the poke. He doesn't care about getting accessed and does it every week, but getting a flu shot is a different story - we couldn't just put it in through his port like usual. He sat there and watched the nurse clean his leg, pull out the needle and wasn't scared at all. Then she poked him - and he screeeeeeeeeeeamed. Oh boy, it was the saddest thing ever. I'm pretty sure he might now have a fear of needles like most everyone else. Dang. Secretly I'm hoping he's just scared of the nurse not the needles! ;)

Our social worker came in to chat - probably a direct result of me leaving a tear-filled voicemail for her - and we talked about finding a therapist through my work's employee assistance program and to focus on my breathing instead of letting my mind wander. She told me to talk to myself (don't I already do that? haha) about where my breath is instead of letting my mind get away with itself and the what-if's of cancer. She said that between 6 and 9 months after a child is diagnosed is when the mom usually reaches out for some help dealing with all the emotions that have been held in the whole time. I guess I'm pretty normal after all. I've said it before, but most days I can pretend JP doesn't have cancer because he acts so normal. I've just started noticing that I am more and more sensitive to cancer lately, and that could simply be that the last couple months have been harder treatment for JP. It doesn't help when a cancer friend with ALL was admitted to the hospital for a 2nd relapse (!) last week and passed away yesterday... I can't even imagine how her parents feel. Twice they thought they had won their battle but three times they were told their daughter had cancer. We have a 90% chance of beating this ugly disease and so did she (the first time). Ugh. Stupid cancer!

I finally listened to Taylor Swift's song in it's entirety today... Still cried but didn't have to turn it off, so that's good. Cancer still sucks.