Cancer Sucks

Written Sunday, March 11th:

I'm in a group on Facebook called Utah Moms with Cancer Fighting Cuties. It's a board with almost 200 Utah parents that can relate because they've all either been there or are there right now. It's been nice to read their posts and share some feelings.

Today, however, I wish I wasn't part of the group. I wish my son didn't have cancer. I wish no kids had cancer for that matter. I wish none of us parents needed this group. One of the little cancer fighting cuties lost his battle last night. He had beaten his cancer in September 2010, relapsed in November 2011 and was admitted to PCMC last week in preparation for a bone marrow transplant. His baby sister was a match and they were going to do the transplant tomorrow morning. He had AML Leukemia (the "bad" kind) and through the intense chemotherapy, his heart was weakened. Getting ready for this transplant his little heart couldn't take it anymore and gave out. I'm so heartbroken for his family. They were so close to the end of their second battle at this. Cancer really sucks. I'd like to pretend my son and other sweet kids don't have to fight it because then I would never have to face the reality that cancer is a terrible, awful, evil disease that could very well could take my son's life.

The bright spot in the wake of this heartbreaking news is that as I was crying about it I was sitting on the couch next to JP. He looked up at me, linked his fingers in mine and said, "I'm sorry!" I laughed and said, "It's ok, sweetheart." He smiled and said, "I make you happy!" which made me cry even more because he truly does make me so happy. In the midst of all the awful things we're going through together, he's the one constantly putting a smile on our faces cheering us up. He's incredible.